Blog beginning...

So, I've just returned to my little home in Devon after attempting and failing to study Visual Culture at Brighton university. It turns out, I chose the wrong course. It's very 'vintage Cara' to do this kind of thing though. Over the last six years I've wanted to be an actress, singer, journalist, author, advertiser, presenter, image consultant, personal shopper, interior designer, architect, sociologist, teacher... I think I even considered going into politics at one point...  Anyway, the list goes one. Really, really on. I've never been very sure about what it is that I want to commit the rest of my life to. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise that I chose to study a subject that wasn't right for me.

However, it did. I had been so sure this time (as with all of my 'life ambition fads'). I would go on and on to anyone who asked, about the ins and outs of the subject, why I wanted to study it, where I wanted to take it... I think I was trying to convince myself more than anyone else.

You see, I've been obsessed with security. I've sought to find a career that will guarantee me that perfect 'picket fence' house, with all the trimmings, lifestyle included. This is the reason my 'dreams' have always crumbled. You can't choose a career based on security. To be successful in any field of work (and perhaps, one day, gain security), you have to work hard. And in order to want to work hard - you must enjoy what you do.

Now, with all of this fear of failing, not succeeding and not being secure... I've pushed what I enjoy most to the side. Photography. I've been an idiot to not pursue it wholeheartedly from the beginning. It's the only subject I studied consistently through my secondary education. From after school clubs in my first year, right through to GCSE and A-Level. It's the only subject I studied in my free time. It's the only thing I've been driven to being better at.

And here I am, on another unexpected 'gap year' trying to find work experience, and catch up with the people who have been sure about what they want to do with their lives (how I envy them!)

Meanwhile, I've been shoving my camera in my boyfriends face. Practicing this, that and the other.

I also attempted a bonfire night themed shoot. However, it was very last minute and the content really had nothing to do with bonfire night or Guy Fawkes, other than the fact it had sparklers in it and a red dress...

But yes, watch this space, I should be doing something much more interesting and productive soon!